Sunday, May 30, 2010
What had happened? We can't answer that. No definite answer when both of us let our emotions got the better of us.

Emotions are the scariest thing when we are together. We can't control it but why do we still deny everything? Only both of us know the answer to that. For now, let it be just our secret.

My sayang.....
posted by Titiks @ 5:55 AM |
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Stuck in the middle...
I only decided to be close to him again after you had broken your promises darling. I dun understand why you have to come back and explain everything. I dun understand why you're blowing hot and cold towards me. Darling, I am not your girlfriend but you still claim me as your girl. I am confused. You are playing with my mind. Stop it darl. I am stuck in the middle now. Should I be with you whom I dun even know if you are sincere with me now or should I wait for him which I know; though vaguely that these wait is gonna be worthwhile? Or should I let both of you go?

Whatever my decision is, I will only accept the man who can love my daughter like his own. I am not gonna repeat my mistake ever again.

My dearest, my darling..... I am sorry.... You have to realise this and accept this fact. I am the mother of the cutest child, Ratu and I can't afford to lose her cause she is my life.
posted by Titiks @ 10:07 AM |
Friday, May 21, 2010
I had tried....

I had tried to be happy but in my heart, there is always 'something' that block me from being sincerely happy. That 'something' is my feeling. The feeling that was never spoken. I miss you a lot. I wait for your messages. I waited but there is nothing. You forgot your promise. How could you darl?! How could you? My heart. It hurts. It hurts a lot. Darl, just one message per day does suffice for me. How could you be so heartless?


Where are you now my dear? Will you be like him? Left me without words and act as though nothing happens? Darl, please do not tarnish the impression that I had on you cause.... you are my darling....
posted by Titiks @ 11:35 PM |
You're off...
Darling, do you remember the promise that you gave me? Darl, you told me that you will msg me before you go but you did not. You only reply to my msgs. You are cruel. Now, allow me to forget you. I can't be with someone who dun care about me.

Darl, do u know that when you are up there, I was down here looking up at u. I dunno which was the plane you took so I took every plane that pass by between 7-7.10pm. Darl, I might have fallen for you. Before I fall deeper, let me forget you my darling.

It takes an hour to love someone but it takes me a lifetime to forget that someone. I love you darling.
posted by Titiks @ 12:29 AM |
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
In a few hours time....
In 19 hours time darling, you will fly off. I really hope that you will msg me before ur gone. Darling, I gonna miss you lots. I msg you today but you did not reply. Are you really sincere with me?

Darling, I had been a fooled for all my life and I do not want to be fooled by you. Just when I was about to forget about you; when I had made up my mind to forget about u, why did you message me? My beloved darling... why do you do this to me?

My darling, I miss you a lot but I just have to bite into it and endure this. It is adding to the scar and I am trying to erase it. Just like you promise to msg me, I promise to forget you. You told me that if you never msg me, that would mean that you would never be back. I will remember that darling. My prayers will always be with you.

Darling, I do not want to lose another friend. Please come back safely. You're the only friend whom I care dearly. Whatever others might think, you are my dearest friend.
posted by Titiks @ 11:36 PM |
My darling
My darling is someone who is a gentleman. Go all out on the first date. Slack on the 2nd but still trying his best. I love him but I will never tell him. He is jealous of *Jo but never did he said it directly.

Darling, I wish to ask you. Who am I to you? Am I but just a friend to you? Darling, I miss you so much and much more when ur leaving to Vietnam. I want you to know that I will miss you but let me keep this secret of love cause even before I said it, darling... I am hurt by the way you remain silence. My darling, you won't know how much I love you as I don't intend to let you know it now. Don't be angry that I told my parents that I am meeting a friend cause you never say that I am your girlfriend.

Darling, I hope you will keep to your promise that you will msg me cause as you said, if you don't then you will not come back.

I will remember that darling.... I will remember your promise.
posted by Titiks @ 12:28 AM |
Monday, May 17, 2010
Fate and Destiny
Am I fated to meet these types of men in my life? I really dunno. We were suppose to be missing each other but.... he changed. After giving me so much hopes, he changed. I am really really in pain but I can't cry. I have to be strong. Who is he to make me cry? Maybe I am really a fool to believe him. I am a fool to believe that he might be the one for me. I am a total fool!

My heart. It hurts. It hurts so much. Why must u... my friend... a close friend that I had after so long... why must u... my friend.... hurt me this much?

I think this is it. I have to go. Go away from you. Far away from you. I might have fallen but before I fall deeper, allow me to go first. Take my darling. My prayers will always be with you... a friend whom I was once close to.... my friend... my darling.... I love you...
posted by Titiks @ 7:29 PM |
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Titipan seorang sahabat

Kau yang membuat senyum ku kembali riang. Kau yang mengukirkan senyum itu diwajahku. Kenapa kau berubah? Aku merinduimu tapi bagaimana dapat aku memberitahu? Kenapa setiap orang yang memberiku senyuman, akhirnya memberiku tangisan? Kenapa kebahagiaanku tidak pernah berpanjangan? Kau sahabatku. Kau memberitahuku tiada yang lain selain ku. Satu sudah mencukupi buatmu. Sayang, kau akan pergi tidak lama lagi. Kenapa kau berubah? Apa salah silapku? Maafkan ku jika ada yang menyakitimu tapi bukankan kita bahagia dan gembira hari itu? Kenapa sahabatku?

Walaupun kita baru berkenalan tapi telah ku memberitahumu supaya jangan sesekali terlalu baik kepadaku. Aku takut aku akan jatuh cinta kepadamu. Tapi kau endahkannya namun mengapa kini? Setelah kau berikan ku harapan? Kenapa sahabatku? Haruskah aku memaksa diriku melupakanmu? Ia akan menjadi sesuatu yang sukar buatku. Disetiap sudut hatiku; di setiap kata-kataku ada kamu. Bagaimana dengan diriku? Berikanlah aku jawapannya kerana ia sungguh menyakitkan hatiku.

Jika kau benar benar harus pergi dariku, akan ku tetap doakan kebahagiaanmu kerana kau lah teman istimewaku.
posted by Titiks @ 2:31 AM |
Thursday, May 13, 2010
My handphone might gone bonkers or so I thot and so I asked my site colleague to send a test message to me. I dunno if it is really her or not but she said... 'Being jealous means you care. But what if you have no right to be jealous? Does that mean you dun have the right to care?' I love those sayings dat I called her and told her so.

He did not called me at all today. I did not hear his voice. It feels funny. I remembered his voice yesterday. 'What? ur outside? ur not at home?' When I heard that, it reminds me so much of the time dat I knew he was with his girlfriend and tried so much to hide it from me. Bingo. He felt how I felt that time. Nice?

I miss him but he is so busy with his work. I dunno if we will be meeting tomorrow or not. I hope we will. God, please let us meet. Pleaseee.... It's been a long time since I feel happy and for now, dat is all that matters. Please let me be happy..... with him. Amin.
posted by Titiks @ 12:15 AM |
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Happy Days?
We realise that we do miss each other a lot. A real lot. And so we use every chance to meet each other. I am happy being with him. He is the light of my life besides my daughter and family. He loves talking about Ratu and he asked about her. Just when we are spending time together, 'J' called. He expect me to be home. Crazy ah.

I almost blurt out about me and 'J' and he ask me who. A stern 'Who'. Wow.. how do I answer this question man.... Aiyah... nwae my lives dun revolve around 'J' anymore. Although this guy whom I talked about also have the same initial 'J', but he is a lot more different den the other 'J'...

Darling, I told you not to be nice to me but you did and you told me dat one person in ur life is enough and you hug me. Though we never said it, but still I gonna said it to you; thank you for accepting me as I am. Thank you for being there. You had made me feel loved. Thank you for everything. I really appreciate it. Thank you darling and take care on your trip. I will be missing you much much more....
posted by Titiks @ 12:45 AM |
Sunday, May 09, 2010
A new chapter?
I dunno if it is gonna be a new chapter in my life. I dunno if he gonna be the one. So far, he is a good and a gentleman. In my whole life, I think he is the second man whom I know who would go all out in a date. Not gonna mention here what he did though. haha....

The thing that really makes me appreciates this friendship is that; he can accept me being divorced and having a kid. He asked about my kid. Enough questions to make me feel comfortable dat he is sincere in this friendship of ours. I wouldn't say dat he is the one for me. He might not but it is important to me dat my fren could accept me and my doter.

He told me that he bought a phone. A phone that I hate. That phone is a total jinx to me. Years ago, I lost contact with a beloved one due to this phone. Not only one person but a few more person. Therefore, I really hate this phone. I told him but he asked me why I never told him earlier on. How could I? I never did noe that he gonna buy a phone. Now, he is scared dat he will lost contact with me. Haha... foolish man. Fancy be scared of what I've said. He could have just assured me that we won't lost contact.

I told him not to be too nice to me. I might just fall head over heels with him which I am scared to. I am afraid that 'one day' will come. That I might just be bowled over by him. I have to hold myself. I have to be strong. But... why do I have the feelings that I could be happy.... with you. Suddenly, it reminds me of Josh. He always told me not to be too formal with him and to keep be reminded of the past that we shared. The thing is, do we have a past to think about? Was there ever 'us' in the past... I was hurt by him over and over again and till now, he never let me go. All I ask for is for someone to just give me happiness, a glimpse of hope for me to forever be strong and take care of doter..

Will there be a person like dat cos I still believe.. somewhere out there, someone is waiting for me......
posted by Titiks @ 4:01 PM |
About Me

Titiks, born on 1st July, gainfully employed in an architech firm. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad but hey, I'm only human!
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