Wednesday, August 30, 2006
To my only One...
We had gone through thick and thin in our lives. Be as an individual or as a couple. There might be him who tried means and ways to break us up. Mum told me that it is okay as long as we trust each other and be honest with one another. As far as I know, there are no secrets between us and I am glad that at last I dun need to pretend to be someone else. Maybe we are very comfortable as we start out as friends. We love each other. That is what matters. Maybe when we get engage in Feb next year, our feelings will grow stronger as it does now; with each and every second that the clock tick by. It grows much more with that look in your eyes. With the smiles that you gave me. There might be things that we disagree but nobody can run away from that. I love you dear and I know you will be the man for me. I can't help but smile when you introduce me to your friend as your future fiancee. Your friend says that you are lucky to have me but I think I am the one who is lucky to have you as a friend, my boyfriend, my future fiance and gradually my husband. I love you dear... Love you very much..
posted by Titiks @ 11:48 PM |
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Missing Him
Missing him even for a day? I think I am going to die. I really miss him a lot. What would I do without him in my life? How do I live without him? I would never ever want to be separated from him even for a minute. Without his messages and calls, I will die. I'm drowned in this sea of love. I am gone and I can only be seen thru his eyes. I am myself and I dun need to pretend. I love being with him as how I love being myself. No more pretends. No more acting. Just me, him and us....
posted by Titiks @ 9:44 PM |
Monday, August 28, 2006
The lovable people in my life 2

It is hard at times to put on a smile,
Though the soul feels a great uplift even for a little while,
For such devotion in a friendship never ending?
In every living day is a new beginning.

Friends hear the unspoken words of grief,
In disguise friends steal that hurt as if a thief.
In an instant a friend would do a favor,
That?s why this friendship will always be, forever.

A friend is more than just friend,
Forever shall friends be, till the end?
This bond of friendship, no one could ever take away,
Through unhappy moments, or even in dismay.

How fortunate could a person be,
To have such caring friends who always have a key
To open the doors of happiness and love;
It could only be a gift from up above...

Sincerity from a friend to a friend
Is a friendship that never will end.
Friends are always there to comfort friends in times of need,
Facing the troubled lives where the heart bleeds.

Simple talk can innovate more than its meaning,
Expressing further understanding of what one is feeling.
Those words were not harsh, nor were they kind,
Though they were the truth, where the eyes remained blind.

The existence of such friendship shall never be tarnished,
It will be treasured and always be cherished;
Kind words hinder torn and aching heart,
Through broken times of pain in hope will part.

Timeless moments when the eyes fell into tears,
Coping with the lonely darkness where in the mind are fears.
Always will there be a friend with an extended hand,
Reaching out, pulling friends back to stand.

posted by Titiks @ 11:36 PM |
The lovable people in my life

Everybody knows
Friends come and go,
But family is there
To love and care.

When life gets you down,
Just listen to the sound
Of your Mother's sweet voice
Filled with love and rejoice.

When you need to be kept in line,
There comes a time
When your Father comes along
To teach you right from wrong.

When you need some advice
And you need it precise,
Your Sister is there
To listen and share.

When you get scared,
No need to be prepared.
Your brother appears
And rescues you from your fears.

You sometimes let
Yourself forget
The family that is there
And how they are so rare.

So please remember,
Families are forever.
You don't know how long.
You'll have 'em till they're gone.

I tried to write a poem for you but no words came into my mind. I wanna find the sweetest words that could best describe our love but indeed our love is the most sweetest of all. Having you to love me is like a dream comes true. I had waited a long time for this day in my life. To be with a person whom I love. As a friend, you had always been there for me. Though we had never met, you had always been the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person when I went to sleep. I still remember when we lost contact last time, I cried cos I thot I could never hear your voice again. Those three miserable weeks had been hell to me but you appeared again. However at that point of time, I was attached. You ask me why I never wait for you. But how was I to know that you will come back? How was I to know that we are fated to be together? I really dunno. When I found out that you had a girlfriend, I was sad but happy for you. I thot you had made the right choice and told you to get married as soon as possible. You told me that you are unsure and was still thinking. When both of us broke off with our partner, I really had no intention to find another so soon. I am content that you are my friend. However, everything changed. You ask me to be with you and be happy together. Frankly speaking, I am really happy by what you had actually asked me and without thinking much, I accepted you. Though you are not the same religion as I am, you wanna convert not because of me but cos you love my religion and you believe in Allah. That is important to me. I dunno when our loves really starts but I do know that I love you since I know you. I hope this love last and I am really happy that you treat me good and really care about me. Having you as my boyfriend, I am glad. You are the greatest boyfriend I ever had. As about being my future fiance, I really dunno how to comment on that. You had treated like one. Mr Lee, you are my everything.

posted by Titiks @ 10:04 PM |
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Mcm SIAL!!!
I love him. Though sometimes words hurts but I can't take that to heart. My love for him are beyond everything. I was thinking. If only I had waited for him and if only he had not lost his hp, we would have been together for a long time now. I never want to regret anything in my life. For me, ada hikmah disebalik apa yg terjadi. Right now, I noe I love him and I believe he loves me too.

Tentang si dia tu... aku tak tahu apa dia fikir. Kenapa dia letak gambar kita bila kita da putus. Aku tak kisah kalau dia letak gambar perempuan mana sekali pun tapi bila da letak gambar aku.... dia kata suka hati dia... Kalau takde gambar aku, aku tak kisah lah... Mungkin dia memang nak cari musuh dgn aku. Aku tak suka gambar aku dipaparkan mcm gitu. Kalau dia tak nak buang gambar aku, kalau dia tak hormat aku sebagai kawan dia.... aku rasa sabtu ini adalah kali terakhir aku akan jumpa dia. Kawan? Aku tak rasa... kawan aku tak buat benda yang aku tak suka. Dia bukan kawan aku. Dia yang memang tak tau hormat nama persahabatan dan aku tak ingin pun nak jumpa dia kalau bukan kerana mak aku. Aku benci orang yg mencari kebencian. Dia ingat bakal tunang aku cemburu? Tak kuasa lah... dia percayakan aku dan takde masa nak cemburukan orang gila seperti dia tu. Suka hati dia la apa dia nak buat. Tapi kalau dia buat cerita pasal aku, jangan sampai aku betul betul tunjukkan taring aku depan dia. Jangan aku hilang hormat kat dia. Masa itu.... baru orang semua kenal apa itu erti menyesal!!!
posted by Titiks @ 9:52 PM |
What am I suppose to feel?
Suppose to meet Iphilia and Mag today but Iphilia got problem and can't join us. So, my beloved boyfriend followed me to meet Mag at Dome, Bishan. I really miss Iphilia. It's been almost two months. Haiz.... My boyfriend bring me to Best Denki and we look at computers, laptops and refrigerators (???). At first I was thinking maybe he just want to take a look then he talk about 'our' future home. And he ask if I would mind putting aircon in 'our' room. I was like, 'huh? what?'. Hehe...... He can't stop talking about our future. Our engagement plans and the time when we live together, happily married. I think he really heed his friend's advise to plan our marriage early as it is a lifetime commitment. And he keep on saying that he will be a strict father and there will be a time where we will have to stop all our nonsense. We just think alike. He is very understanding and respect my life, my job and most importantly he say 'sorry' when he mean it. He would never say sorry if he dun mean it and surprisingly, i respect dat. I love him and I will always pray that life will go smoothly for him and may he overcome all his problems. I love u dear...

Of course, we do have our bad times and I dun agree with you but I need to respect you as how u ever respect me. I can't believe what happen just now. For the first time, we actually argued but its ok. I know you loves me and that you are faithful to me. I trust you. Maybe.... just maybe.... my feelings are never meant to be told and for the first time..... I'm a bit hurt but its ok... its really ok.... no relationship is smooth sailing n maybe we understand each other more. Dear, whatever you do, I will support you as a fren, girlfren and as your future fiancee. I appreciate it that you are honest with me even though I never said it before. I appreciate every bit that you did for me. However..... I am just a human being who is not n never perfect. I had put my happiness in your hand. Please take care of it......
posted by Titiks @ 12:14 AM |
Monday, August 21, 2006
All about Him
I dunno if it is a sense of insecurity. For the first time, he called me during lunch. I was very happy when he called but when I went back a bit late juz now due to the bus, he questioned me. He nvr asked me before and he keep on saying that if a gal nvr appreciates what he did, nasty and betray him, he will hate her for life. But I never did that. I love him. I really do. I am afraid to lose him even as a friend. It had been my greatest fear since I know him last year. There were many times where we lost contact. I cried every times that happens. I do not want to lose him. Being a very closed friend once even before we meet each other, I know his character. Even as a friend, if he is sad or unhappy, I will noe. Everything starts from yesterday when my group of friends talking about my favourite videoclip from Rihanna titled 'Unfaithful'. One of them actually blurt out, 'Yea it is juz like you... being unfaithful'. I noe she meant about my past but Chrisz dun like it. I mean who will like it when sumone said that your girlfriend is unfaithful. He knows I love him and there is solid trust between us and he dun like it wen people calls me unfaithful. Even if my friends dun like him, I dun care. At the end of the day, we (me and him) are the ones who will be happy and we can't wait for that day to happen; after he convert. Insya'allah. With Allah to guide us to the right path and give us his blessings. I am really happy to be with him.
posted by Titiks @ 9:42 PM |
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Nervous Freak
We talk until about 2 plus in the morning. About my previous course, job, and lastly our engagement. I request for his mum to come to our engagement if she us gives her blessings. She is a roman catholic. I dunno if she can accept me for I had never met her. He told me to rest assured that he will bring me to meet his mum next month. I'm a bit kind of nervous.

L told me that there is no word of love in our conversations. I dunno how to answer him. He is nice to me. In fact, very nice. He is a perfect guy who can make a perfect husband but the only thing that I need to realise is that he is ...................... What if we met earlier? What will happen? Will things change? I never want to lose any of my frens. I treasure each and every one of them. But if one day, he told me that he needs to go, maybe I will have to let him go but the memories will forever remains for he is my dear friend and I never meant to lose him in this life. Though I smiled and laugh, people knows that I can forgive but I will never forget. And the day that I knew he lied still hurts me still. I dunno that it affects me so much. I thot that wound isn't that deep but to hurt until now.... i think it is deeper than I thot it is....

Life is something we all have to go through.
We never know how it is for someone else,
Until we see it through their point of view.
To some, life seems like it's never fair.
They always feel there's no one out
There to care.

To others, life is just a good time,
With no worries and never having to spend
A dime.
But the truth is we all fall down and
It's the getting back up that really counts.

We live and we learn so we can be there for
The next person?s turn.
Life is tough for everyone.
We never really get a break until
Everything's said and done.

So if you ever feel alone, please don't be
Afraid just call me up on the phone.
I'll always be here for you until our lives on
This earth are through.
From then on, we will have eternity
Together and we'll be living forever in unity.
posted by Titiks @ 10:44 PM |
Friday, August 18, 2006
I never meant to keep it a secret. However, this is the first time in my life that I felt shy about telling people and that includes my family members. Yes Yes Yes!!! This is ME feeling SHY!!!!!!! I know that it is happy thing to share but once bitten twice shy. The engagement was our plan and had not been told to my parents. It was his plan actually. I am a bit scared if anybody objects. I do not want to lose him even as a fren. He is very dear to me besides M, P and L.

I really hope I can go through these part of my life smoothly and be with my loved ones. My life had been full of unnecessary things that I went thru. It is definitely time for me to be happy.

Will I be really happy??? God, please give me the answers....

Would you ever hold the night
With just a single hand?
Would you ever let me go,
And make me understand?

Would you ever kiss me softly,
As if that kiss meant good-bye?
Would you hold me, oh so closely,
If I was to start to cry?

Would the tears I cried for you
Make you feel my pain?
Or would you not care for me one bit,
And my hurt would be in vain?

Would a simple question,
Remain unanswered?
Or if you were asked who you love,
Would I be your answer?

Would you keep your word
Of being always together?
Or would this lonely life of mine
Last forever?
If I told you I felt sad
Would you come be by my side?
If I was to get you mad,
Would it hurt you deep inside?

Don't ever tell me you don't care
Because I just know that isn't true.
If your heart decided to love someone,
...Would I be the one for you?
posted by Titiks @ 10:08 PM |
Thursday, August 17, 2006
I was woken up in the middle of night by the message tone of my hp. When I read it, I was in shock. There is this message which said, 'Let's get engage in feb or march nx year'. I asked him... for how long n why the sudden decision? He told me that he wanna marry me when he is 28 years old and it had been my wish since last time to get married at the age of 24. He told me that he will take care of me and enjoy every moment that we share. He told me that he will convert in November/December. He even had thought of a name for himself. Aeron Faris Lee. He wants to send a representative to my house in October to ask for my hand in marriage. I am happy but will it be a shock to my family? I had not introduce him to my family yet. I do not know how to. Seriously, I am afraid of losing him. Even as a friend, he had understand me well enough. I had known him long before I knew my ex. It is not because of him that I broke off with my ex. When I broken off with him, I never thought of having another relationship but it just happened.

The problem between me and my ex had been there since the start of our relationship. I told him that we will come across having communication problems but he is stubborn and told me that there won't be. He will try to understand me as how I understand him. Right now, I can even read his mind but he can't. I can even predict what he is going to say next but he can't. I know nobody is perfect and I dun mind dat as long as he is perfect in my eyes but dat was initially. He wasn't as perfect as before. He pointed a finger on my every moves. He knows how to rebel. Dun mention about monetary issues. That's worse. However, we are still friends. I will still treat him as a friend if he knows how to respect a friend.

I never had a dream come true but what happened now is like a dream. It is very hard to believe it. I still remember my secondary school... my primary school... the courses that I took and everything. However, I never get my wishes fulfilled thoroughly. Suddenly came this guy who wants to make my dream comes true. Should I let go of him? I dun think so. Why should I let go of my happiness? But I really dunno how to break the news to my family that he is sending a representatives to ask for my hand in marriage?? Headaches.....
posted by Titiks @ 9:09 PM |
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
A few days ago..........
I went to watch fireworks last Saturday with my friends. C suppose to follow me but had to be called to work by his officer. So ended up only us gals went. The fireworks on dat day was by Team France. Nice. Splendid but would have even much better if C was there.
Of all days, of all years and of all people! I met my ex. He was with his wife and son. I was glad that I had forgotten about him and that my life had really moved on now. So, on dat day, I did not feel a thing. It had been years and I really thought about it. I can't hold on to my past and live with the memories. I had been crying for years but it had stopped. And only after these tears had gone, god let meet up; maybe for the last time. I am happy that he had a happy family. God, let them lead a happy life just like how he wanted his life to be....
Before the fireworks starts, he msg me. He told me to be with him now that I had broken off with my bf. He told me to be with him and be happy together. I was shock. I thought all these while that he told me about his love and stuffs, I just listen to them without thinking much. When he told me that he was serious about being with me, I thought for a while. He is a good guy. Long before I noe him... he had wanted to convert to a Muslim. So, i am sure that he dun convert just because he wants to marry a Muslim. He even told me that he believes in Allah, our god. I am really touched. It is difficult enough finding a Muslim guy to think about Allah and suddenly this guy came and believe in HIM. He told me he regrets losing his hp last time thus is the reason why we had lost contact over the months. He kept on saying... if we had not lost contact... we had become an item. I really dunno about his feelings last time as he is the mischievous guy but he is really nice and romantic. A very romantic guy. Needless to say that he was borned on valentine's day... hehe.... We'll see how everything goes and if it is true that he wants to get engage next year. He'll be converting end of this year so getting engage next year isn't a bad idea. However, rite now, I need to save money for my cousin's wedding and give money to my parents. Just hope everything will run smoothly for me. God! Please bless us!!!
posted by Titiks @ 9:38 PM |
Saturday, August 12, 2006
I always read from somewhere. They told me that if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is meant to be yours but if it don't, it was never yours to begin with.
So far, i really dunno if these phrase is real. I let go of everybody including my frens and only a few came back. However, I am glad cause the person whom I really wish would come back to me... really do came back. Thanks. Although I told you that there should not be the word 'thanks' between us but i need to tell u dat. I treasure our friendships more than ever. And I would never ever want to lose you. People may mistook us for couple but we are only friends. You are there when I need you and that is why I have to be there when you need me. You told me I'll make a good girlfren and you envy me. Little do you know that you make a good boyfren yourself. You understand me. Thanks. Thank You so much.
M, i kept every advice of yours. I find it sincere and unpretentious. You really do care for me and dun wanna feel hurt just like how my family dun wanna me be hurt. Thanks for being there for me. You are like a darling sister. Needless to say that you are the same age as my sis. M, I really do hope that you will find your happiness soon too. Just like how you want me to find my happiness. And if I really have to wait for ............ , I think I will wait cause I can see the happiness there. That is where my happiness lies. I never realise that my happiness is actually in front of me. Why did I look so far away that I overlooked .......... Thanks darling for everything
F, everything had changed. Little did you realise that you had changed too? The more I noe you, the less you noe me. You dun understand me and you want everything your way. I suffocate. I need my own space just like I had given your space. Given chances after chances but what do I get? You did not trust me. You do not have faith in me. Needless to say that you dun understand the 'English' words i said and NOW you dun even understand my malay language! You expect me to understand your language which was suppose to be our language which is Malay. Hey! Look here! I understand Malay. It is just dat if I speak in English, dun expect me to translate for you cause I am very bad in translation. And btw, I do have DISTINCTIONS for my MALAY LANGUAGE okay! Why I speak mostly english is because I need to communicate english with my frens and colleagues and my clients and even suppliers! But when Im at home, i speak Malay to my mum and to everybody. Of course there will be a bit of English here and there but mostly are malay okay! So live with it! I do not change. It is just that you JUST realise my characterand thot I've changed. Duh!!! Boy... let me advise you here..... LIVE WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Titiks @ 1:11 AM |
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Happy National Day!!!!
Manage to catch the fireworks at the stadium!!! I just love it!!! It is nice!!!! And it happens right on top of us!!! It is very nice! Very romantic! Fantastic!!!! I love it and I love the people who watch with me... Thank you for bringing me there and let me enjoy this unforgettable moments. It is not the first time that I saw fireworks but it the company that I am with who watch with me that matters. Thank you!!!
I did not change. I am juz sick and tired of my life. I am tired of getting hurt. It is time for me to be happy. I am 22 now and down the road I want to be with someone who understands me, sees to my needs, love god. Not that I had found that someone but he is not there yet. Even if you said I change... well live with it. Complain to whoever you want cause at the end of the day, I am the one who will feel the happiness. I am not going with someone whom I am not happy with. Nobody knows if I am happy or not better than myself. I love myself and it is time for me to be HAPPY!!!
posted by Titiks @ 1:03 AM |
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
I did a lot of thinking. I have a perfect family, friends, not-so-perfect job but still near to perfect. So, why should I let someone allow me to be unhappy about myself? Allow me to be stress? I dunno wat to do. It is no longer there. I can't feel it anymore. My mind is only filled with my family and work. I dun even have time to think about my frens but still i try my very best to have time for each and every one of them. I am glad that all my frens understand my situations and if all my frens were to read this blog, I would like to thank all of you. All of you are not like the 'frens' that I had in my past life. You are my frens and will always be my frens. All of you realise it that I do treasure these friendships of ours that I can even forgive when you make mistakes and I am really glad all of you never repeat it. I am glad. M, thanks for everything. C, thanks for being there. L, thanks for understanding and P, thanks for juz being my fren. The four of u make my life different from what I had lived. Thanks for everything.
I am stuck in the middle of nowhere. I am suffocated with questions. I am tired. My life is like routined. Go to work, come bk, eat, watch tv, internet. Everyday my life is like dat. I wanna do what I need to do. I need to relax but seems dat I have to choose the people that everyone else have to agree that I can relax with. I have my own life but I can't lead it. Some ppl juz bound not to be happy and I want everyone to be happy but in the end.... I am the one who is sad. At the first place, I dun even wanna meet the family. I am scared of being too close. It's not that I want but it juz happens. Even the ppl that I depend on dun trust me anymore. I cried every nite thinking of this. Everything juz change. Everything juz end. How was I suppose to noe? There is no third party or whatsoever. The calls that kept coming in are from my girlfrens and one of my guyfren but I had been contacting him for months. If I really really wants him.... y should I wait now? I would have done it long ago but I did not. We are just frens. But some ppl juz chose not to believe me! Well... who m I?? A gal who had lied at a very young age. Nobody believes me. Not even one person wants to listen to me. They seems to care but they are juz tired of me talking. I had sticked to my principles. Not to mention anything to anybody. Even if they think I am at fault.... there is nothing I can say. I have no right to be happy. No right at all..........
posted by Titiks @ 1:27 AM |
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Feel Like SHIT!!!!!!!!
I feel like one damn shit that is in the toilet and nobody flush it down!!!!!! Yucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously speaking... I am damn tired and I feel shitty! I am so tired but nobody cares! Spent the whole day outside today. So tired. Damn f**king tired. When I told him that I am tired.... he told me that he is tired too. Since both of us are tired... Why make things difficult??!!!!!!!!!!!!! Juz f**k off la, rite or not??!!!! Haiyah!!!! Life is so simple but people makes it difficult!!!! Duh!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Titiks @ 10:42 PM |
About Me

Titiks, born on 1st July, gainfully employed in an architech firm. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad but hey, I'm only human!
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