:: The Blood That I Tot Were Tears ::: June 2006

Sunday, June 25, 2006

JB trip

Went to JB today with my family minus my bro-in-law who is working overtime and my aunt,uncle, cuzzie and my aunt sister. Thought I saw one of my secondary schoolmate but I am not sure if it is really him or not. He surely looks like him but the girl whom he is with doesn't look like his girlfriend. So, is it him???
Can't really trust all these guys. They walk with their girlfriends but still look at other girls. The rest who don't look at girls might be the 'hands and legs in the stomach (kaki tangan dalam perut)' type. So, I am really not sure.
Went to buy contact lens in Toa Payoh after that and I think the salesgirl just wanna 'eat' our money. Makes my heart boil talking about the two bitches. Can't stand them. Duh!!!!!! And I thought I saw my ex schoolmate again! Sabri! I think he saw me but he just look through me as though I'm not there! It's been years since I last saw him! Does he remembers me? I wonder.... :(
Nwae! It is 4 days more to my trip to KL!!!!!!!!!!! Actually, I can't wait to go there. I miss my boyfriend sooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to see him! I love him..... :)

posted by Titiks @ 10:15 PM |

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Really tired of EVERYTHING

I wonder why do I keep on standing again when I had fall for so many times. I wonder if all the lessons that I had learnt from my life will hurt me more. Will I fall again this time? I really hope not. I love my job at last though it can be quite stressful at times but every work is like dat. So, I have no complains about my job. I wanna save enough money to see me through whatever courses I wanna take. Or even to travel. My only wish is to travel alone or with my friends and get the taste of 'real' freedom. I do not really have any complains about my life. A simple life like mine is not worth complaining for.

But my love????? Haiz..................

I wonder if I am cursed. I wonder if I ever find any happiness. I am really tired of complaining. Really really tired. I am tired for almost everything. I just don't understand why I am still standing. I am shocked to see that I am strong myself. I am able to accept things and I am able to just keep quiet and bottle up everything although this is not me. Am I being an introvert? I dunno. I just talk to the people that I feel like talking and I just shut off the people that I do not wanna talk to. Is this me? The answer is a definite NO. But why am I like this? I dunno. Maybe I am just tired of everything that is around me. Let just nature takes it course. If it is meant to be for me.... it will be but if it is not.... then I will let it be. I had always fight for my happiness but this time round, I am not to. I just leave to THE ONE. Hopefully my prayers will all be answered. Insya'allah.

posted by Titiks @ 10:27 PM |

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

What the ...........????!!!!!!!!

I am in my office right now with lotsa things to do but I can't help but remember the conversation that we had yesterday.

Her : Can I ask you sumthing?

Him: Yes??

Her : Why did you send the email to all my friends that day?

Him : (Silent) Oh... I am sorry. I will not do it again.

Her : (Getting frustrated) Ok but why did you do it?

Him : I was bored in the office with nothing to do. So, I send the email to all your friend.

So, now all of you see. That is the reason that he gave me. Is it logic? First question here, being bored in the office does not justify that you could send the email to all my friends. And worse still, it is WITHOUT my permission. Second question, if you are bored in the office with NOTHING to do.... I wonder why the hell you do overtime for? I understand if you have lots of things to do as I had experienced it before during my life in Francois Marine. But, having nothing to do but still overtime? And still got time to send rubbish to all my friends?? Duh!!!! What the .........................????!!!!!!! I am still angry and I am still very very angry but dun worry, I will not take it out on you as you have somebody close to me to side with you. But let me tell you this, if this volcano erupts, that is the end of everything and my mind is made up.

posted by Titiks @ 5:22 PM |

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

duh

Need to order stationeries today so I called my previous suppliers. I am glad they still remembers me! Have quite a long talk with each and everyone of them. I think I am too tired of talking that I dun feel like talking to anybody rite now.

What makes this girl cry? I wonder. She cried in the bus almost everyday. Does she have a problem? Or is she too stress? I wonder. She did not realise the tears that is flowing from eyes down to her cheek. She cried quietly. Tried many times to wipe it off but it keep on flowing. I wanted to help her but I do not know what to do. I look to the reflection and realise the girl is me...

Haruskah aku bendung perasaan ini hingga ia tidak dapat dibendung lagi? Atau haruskah aku luahkan isi hati agar tercetus kemarahan insani? Ingin sungguh ku menatap bahagia tapi kebahagiaan itu jauh diatas langit. Ingin sungguh aku bergembira tapi kesedihan menghampiri diri. Mereka melihat aku ketawa. Mereka lihat aku gembira. Tiada mereka sedari hati yg hancur tidak terkira. Jika hati ini mempunyai airmata... sudah tentu basah seluruh badanku. Aku hanya manusia biasa. Jangan kau fikir aku tidak mempunya hati dan perasaan. Aku telah dikecewa tanpa orang tahu apa puncanya perpisahan. Kesalahanku dicari. Tingkah laku ku dikeji dan dicaci. Itulah kehidupanku duniawi...

posted by Titiks @ 9:33 PM |

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Happy Father's day!!!

Happy Fathers' Day to all Dad especially to my dad! Cooked for him fish curry. Supposedly fish head curry but there is no fish head in the fridge so I make do with the rest of the fish's parts. Haha!!! My sis cooked her no-name 'own style' noodle. Its nice!!! I love it. Yummy Yummy Yum!!!!!
Got a headache and been sleeping and eating the whole day.... wanna go and sleep again.... Yawnz!!!!!!

posted by Titiks @ 10:43 PM |

TRUST

Trust. It is scary but you can't really live without it. You need to trust at least a person in your life. You can't go on without trusting anybody. Maybe you trust yourself. But what happen when even that trust is gone?
When I was small, I used to trust everybody. When I know the real world, I trust only certain people including my family. One by one the trust is gone. They betray me. I can't even trust myself.
One day, the trust is back. I trust myself and my family. Then came this one guy that makes me wonder if I could trust even my family members. I couldn't trust anybody and since this is the way to be. I will not trust anybody. It hurt so much when the person you trust most is about to betray you. It really hurt.

P/S: You might not know why the photo is torn and that I had cried so much when nobody is at home. You dunno anything so dun assume or listen to him. What you did can make me hate him.

posted by Titiks @ 12:04 AM |

Saturday, June 17, 2006

I still love you

Kau memang kekasihku tapi amat payah untukku berterus terang denganmu. Kau tidak memahami punca kemarahanku dan kau selalu buat sangkaan yang tidak benar. Kau tidak menanyakan apa maksudku dan kau selalu meminta maaf bila kau tidak maksudkan. Maaf kau tidak ikhlas dan aku tak dapat menerimanya. Bukan ku tak ingin beritahu apa sebab dan puncanya kemarahan dan tingkah laku ku itu tapi kau tidak pernah memahami dan kau tidak cuba untuk memahami. Tapi.... aku masih menyayangi dan tidak pernah terlintas difikiranku untuk mencari yang lain. Mungkin, jika bukan jodoh kita satu hari nanti. Aku tidak ingin berkasihan dengan mana mana lelaki. Aku letih. Sejarah hidupku telah banyak mengajarku erti kehidupan. Biarlah jodohku datang dengan sendirinya dan jika benar jodoh tidak akan datang jika tidak mencari.... biarlah ia tidak datang kerana ku tak ingin lagi mencari... Keluarga ku lebih penting dari yang lain.

posted by Titiks @ 1:02 AM |

Friday, June 16, 2006

Questions

I am so angry today....

At work, my boss came back from 1 week of business trip to China. I told him how fed up I was calling this one client of ours. He never make payments and when I called him he would say, 'Oh! I dun wanna pay. Give me a detailed Statement of Account and pass me all the drawings and submissions plus all the replies from the authorities.' I did just dat and pass to him. I emailed to him saying dat I had post it to his residence but the A1 and A3 tender drawings is still in the office for collection. And this is what he replied...

Client: I am surprise that these documents is still with you. Ask somebody to courier it to me.

Me: I will send the courier man to send it to you. However, would you want us to send it to your office or your residence?

He never replied for 5 days. And so, on the 6th day, I called him and here it goes again.

Client: Hello!

Me: Mr LTH??

Client: (Silent)

Me: I am EEEE from ABC Company. I would like........(interrupted)

Client: Why you call me when I'm in the gym??!!!!!

How the hell am I suppose to know he is in the gym??? I am not his staff. He put down the phone on me yet again after saying that. Or is that a question?? Duh. And earlier today I called again in the morning despite the mean way he is giving me (buat kerja pe.... kalau buat kerja dengan ikhlas, tuhan tolong kan??). He shout at me again saying that we never give him the documents and request to meet up with my boss to work things out. My boss refused to meet him.

Another hell of a day, I receive an email which was CC to me from my boyfriend. Listen this carefully. He emailed to all my friends but CC to me. Why the hell does he need to CC to me? And who give him the permission to send to all my friends when he dunno them. My friends would think that I am the one who give him their email addresses. I am so pissed off. My cousin is one of the addressee and she is the type who is particular about email addresses and about almost everything in her life. What am I to tell her? Why can't he just do things right? And worse still.... he dunno what I am pissed off about! I am pissed off about almost everything!!! First is about he messaging me when I went back late FROM WORK. Second, he gets my family involves. Ask my sister where I am (aku tak pernah buat gitu kat orang seumur hidup aku). I dun like it when a guy gets close to my family. It just give me a question.. what's your motive?? Third... is about this email thingy.

AND HE STILL CAN ASK WHAT'S WRONG??? Is he simple minded or juz dun care at all?? Does he understand me? Does he trust me? Has he ever really knows me??

I wonder....

posted by Titiks @ 11:57 PM |

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Friendster

He actually message my sister in friendster??!!!! I dun like it when some guys trying to get close with my family when I am not close to their family. And yes I am talking about my boyfriend again. He actually message her asking if I am back or not?? That's ridiculous!! Macam lah orang nak lari mana sampai tak message dia. And who is he to ask my family about my whereabouts??? Suka tak kalau aku tanya mak kau whether kau da balik ke belum?? Risau tak tentu pasal. Tak faham kape org kerja? And orang tak suka kalau u tanya-tanya family orang pasal orang.... Ada faham?? Kalau faham..... pergi terjun!!!!

And another thing..... suka sangat minta maaf bila bukan salahnya. Tapi bila orang fikir salah dia... dia tak minta maaf. Yang lebih teruk sekali.... minta maaf tapi masih rasa tak bersalah... lepas tu buat apa minta maaf? Bila orang nak bilang sikit cakap orang cari gaduh.... bagus la tu. Nak orang diam je kan.... fine orang diam!!!!! Jangan nanti orang diam suruh orang bebual pulak!!!

posted by Titiks @ 10:49 PM |

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Worked Late

Came back late from work yesterday and I was so tired. The last thing I want to do is to look for an arguement. I wanna rest and nothing more but this is what happen.....
Earlier in the day, I emailed my boyfriend saying that I will be back late as I am having a meeting with my boss and other consultants so I'll be back about 8 to 9pm as what I told my family too but we went to two places and cause a delay in time. My family understands my work but HE don't. As a girlfriend, I understand his work and I don't disturb him when he works overtime but why the hell he can't do the same to me!!! Everybody expects me to be in his shoes but has he been in my shoes??? I had been. I waited patiently for him to finish up his work and message me when he is back but why is he impatient? And blaming me for going back late? Do you think I like going back late if not for my work?? Damn it. He sent me a lot of messages asking why I never reply his messages. I am working damn it!!! I told you that I will have to off my hp. Did you get that??!!!!!! Why must you pressurize me??? And when I get back home, you never ask how is my work but instead you ask why I am back late. I AM F*CKING WORKING!!!!! What do you think I am up to??!!!!!

posted by Titiks @ 11:35 AM |

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Pissed again!!!

I am really pissed off with him. He did not concentrate on what we are talking about! He keep on apologizing for things that I dun nid to hear "I'm sorry!" and when I think he really makes a mistakes, he did not apologize at all. I will never forget that! And right now, he keep on looking into dictionaries when I'm talking to him as though I'm speaking in some alien languages! And he keep on asking one questions in different forms! The answer is of course the same for goodness hell sake!!! Why can't you just ask me!!! GOODNESS!!!

posted by Titiks @ 5:15 AM |

About Me

Titiks, born on 1st July, gainfully employed in an architech firm. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad but hey, I'm only human!