:: The Blood That I Tot Were Tears ::: December 2009

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

What a blunder!

Attended a site dinner gathering last night.

Did not eat much. Played games. It was fun but I was a bit pissed off when someone who was just been introduced to me kept asking me questions. I don't like to answer and I am not in the mood to answer. What can I say about him? I can't tell her the truth.

And so now I know what an a**hole these people are. I don't even know if I could trust anyone anymore over anything. The trust is gone again and maybe I would just close myself up again towards anyone who wanna get close to me.

I am hurt enough. Don't hurt me again please.

If I can change something about myself, I would want to erase all my bad memories. At least, I wouldn't need to fake my smile.

Anyway, an engineer is going back next week and so he bid farewell to everybody. He did something that was really shocking..... to me... While I was talking to her, he suddenly sweep me from behind and carry me. I was so scared that he would throw me to the swimming pool. Haha... thinking about it, it made me laugh. He tried to put me down after much persuasion from the manager's wife but.... I was not really stable yet when he put me down and so while his hand was still behind me, I fall down on the grass and he? He landed on top of me! OMG!!!

I kept punching him out of embarrassment and he kept saying sorry. I was not angry. Just embarrassed. We kept talking about the first time we met, about not seeing each other after that and other things but most of the stuffs we talked about was of us. I hope to see you again.

It is really sad to see the engineers going back after years and months of working with them. It is sad not to see their names in our staff list. We wouldn't know which country will he be transferred to or will he be there when I go to visit next year. Will we be able to meet again? I don't really know.

For now; right now; all I know is that I will miss them so much. As much as I would miss my family members.

Till we meet again.... take care dearies....

posted by Titiks @ 10:15 AM |

Saturday, December 19, 2009

BF and GF

I was shock to learn about your trip on the day itself. They told me that you will be on leave and you told me that you are going there. J, I dunno if I should be jealous or happy for you. On one hand, I am happy that you are spending time with her but on the other hand, I am extremely jealous. How should I feel?

My dear, I swear I did not say those three words so don't you dare to say it to me. Those were the words that I had been wanting to hear but to hear it from you at the wrong time, that irks me and you're making me hate you! I hate this J. I miss you so much. I really do....

If you only know..... if you only know.....

A friend had been wanting to come to Singapore to meet me but all I can do is wait for you while you are meeting her......

Don't make me regret this J... don't make me regret this.....

posted by Titiks @ 3:15 PM |

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Don't try...

Is that the way for you to tell me? Is that the gesture to let me know? I dunno and I can't read your mind. Be straight forward and tell me. Hiding it as not to hurt my feelings are hurting itself. I hate you since the time you deny everything. I hate you for making me wait for nothing. I hate you for making my job difficult. I hate you for everything!!!

But, why my heart doesn't waver when someone else came knocking? Why does my mind kept thinking of us? Never did I realise, it's gonna be 1 month since we last met. It is the longest time of all. You said it yourself and u even said "............" in the message and you actually joke that you miss your SM more than me! Haha! That's funny. Idiot....

Anyway, I am happy as I am now. I just wish you well and wanna tell you that I miss you a lot....

posted by Titiks @ 10:51 AM |

Monday, December 07, 2009

Love vs Hatred

You called. We chat for almost the whole time during office hours until oppa noticed dat we are close. I tried my best not to look at you but you were just so close.. too close to me... my heart beats faster everytime you are close. It stop when you stare right into my eyes. Why did you play with my heart? Why is it you of all others? Why and when did I ever fall for you?

You told me it was rejected. You called and told me and there are witnesses. Why the hell did you deny it?! If she don't trust me dat much, I could have lost my job! My dear, you had trifled with the wrong person. Yes I admit dat I do like you but as much as I love you, you betrayed me professionally but still wish to talk to me like a friend does. As much as I don't mix work and personal but you are both and I can't do the exceptional. You are cruel!

You called me the next day and ask if I am alright. You bet I am! You ruined the previous day and you asked if I am okay?! What kind of question is dat? Now, I don't wanna talk to you anymore.

I am just glad dat I have other engineers and surveyors who understand me well and now, I spend my time with them trying to understand their expectations and needs in the company. We seldom meet now and surprisingly, I don't miss you as much as I thot I would. Maybe, cause this feelings are fading away.

I have a selfish wish J....... I wish that you could love me the way I am and it's been a long time since you ask me till today, you pop the sentence. I just smile... what else can I do....

It is nothing but a selfish wish which could never come true....

posted by Titiks @ 11:08 PM |

About Me

Titiks, born on 1st July, gainfully employed in an architech firm. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad but hey, I'm only human!